"It was either this or Clown College."
Size 9: Another Canteen Story
Inmates are allowed to order things from external
catalogs, but they have rather tight criteria regarding the
items. Jeans, for example, have to be plain in design, no
baggies, and must cost less than $35. One of the inmates
complained to me that nothing in the JC Penny catalog sold
for less than $38. With a straight face, I told him to write
them and ask for the "back-to-school" discount. He almost
bought it; not the jeans, but my line of bullshit.
Inmates have access to a variety of items for purchase
through the canteen. The canteen is run by state employees
who are paid less than entry level prison guards. Why
anybody would want to work for inmates at a pay-scale that
low is beyond me. They would receive a substantial raise,
simply by applying to be a guard. Lord knows they would
be hired, because we take all comers. Perhaps this is why
our canteen could never survive as a business in the real
world. In a competitive market where you need to provide
acceptable customer service, they would receive no repeat
business at all.
The canteen staff was switching shower-shoe styles and
had plenty of the new style in stock. The problem was that
they had two cases (24 pair per case) of size nine in the
old style remaining. The boss, Freedom Pfankuch, was
completely retarded and could never run a business on the
free-side. Her parents were from the 60s, and for some Godfor-
saken reason they decided to name their child after what
is now a women's hygiene product.
"I will not sell any of the new style until I have sold all of
the size nines in the old style." I can not imagine any other
place in the world where this behavior would be remotely
acceptable or conducive to staying in business. Perhaps
it would fl y in the Army or the Navy, but then, they never
get any new styles. She should have sent the two cases
back to the warehouse, or traded them with another facility
where there were women (or juvenile men). Under normal
circumstances, it would take a year to sell two cases of the
size-nine shower shoes.
The inmates solved the problem themselves. Word
spread that anybody who could afford (and come close to
fi tting) to purchase an extra pair of the size nine, whether
they needed them or not, would be pressured into buying.
In most cases, shoe size correlated with body size, so it was
not diffi cult to pressure these men into the idea.
Joey Newbury arrived at NSP with the size 16E shoes
the D & E miraculously found on their shelves. By the time
Joey completed his time at the D & E, they were worn out
due to the lowest-bidder cheap-apparel purchased by the
state. The problem at the Canteen was that ordering large,
uncommon sizes was a special order, and they would only
order special orders two pair at a time. Statistically, one man
in approximately 3,000 wears a size 16. We had about 1,100
men currently residing at the state pen, and nobody wore that
size. Do not misunderstand. We have a high percentage of
large men, but a good majority of them became large at the
weight pile. Lifting weights does not make your feet bigger.
Joey would have to wait until another man with a size-16 foot
was incarcerated. About eight months later, two months
after Joey discharged, Ben Wurley arrived with the proper
feet. The canteen's answer was the same because again,
there was only one current inmate that required the shoe.